my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
