I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
