there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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