I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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