Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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