I'm going to jail i love you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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