Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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