Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
