I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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