i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize