She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
