But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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