i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
