pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
