Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
