cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
