oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
