Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
