I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
