i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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