Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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