Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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