What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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