it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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