They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.