but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..