So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success