CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night