we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
