so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
