I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
