Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
They have beer where we have blood.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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