How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
