He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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