I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
