It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
