I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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