Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
