Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
