I'm eating all of the evidence.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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