Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
