she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
