i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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