Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize