I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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