I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
