found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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