Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
