its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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