meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I didn't notice because vodka
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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