all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
