you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
