just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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