i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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