Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
