Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
