Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
