I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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