but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
