I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
