You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
