She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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