I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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