I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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