I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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