best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
