Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
