Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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