i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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