I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
