Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
