look no pants
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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