Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
