My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
