Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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