Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We are all done wearing pants today
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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