Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
