So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
