she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize