Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
