p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
