So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
