this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
