I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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