i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
