i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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