I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
